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It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand.
— Traditional Apache saying

Apache is the collective term for several culturally related groups of Native Americans in the United States originally from the Southwest United States. These people fought the U.S Government in a series of colonial conflicts from 1851 to 1906. They adopted a style of guerrilla warfare to compensate for their technological disadvantage against their foes, and enjoyed a psychological advantage over their enemies as they would ambush at extremely close ranges and disappear right afterward. Their combat styles have been adopted by U.S. military forces.

Battle vs. Aztec Jaguar (by KevlarNinja)Edit

In a grassy field, an Aztec Jaguar is tip-toeing, looking for prey, when suddenly, an Arrow flies past his head and hits a tree. He looks up and sees an Apache, shouting a war cry. the Jaguar throws a Tlacochtli, which lands at the Apaches feet. The two warriors run towards each other. The Apache throws a Tomahawk, which hits the Aztecs helmet, knocking it off. The Aztec slings a rock at the Apache with his Tematlatl, which knocks a second Tomahawk out of his hand. The Aztec swings his Maquahuitl five times at the Apache, who tricks him into getting it stuck in a tree.

The Apache wacks the Aztec in the back with his War Club, whitch slows him down, but not enough to keep him from knocking the club out of the Apache's hand. Each warrior pulls out there knifes. They scrape back and forth with the Aztec cutting the Apache on the forehead, but the Apache lands the killing blow by slashing the Aztecs throut. He stabs a few more times, then stands up, licks the blood of the knife, makes the famous Apache war cry, and runs out.

Expert's OpinionEdit

The Apache managed to beat the Aztec Jaguar because of his more precise long-range weapons, and because the majority of his weapons could be used at a moderate distance as projectiles.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Filipino Insurrectionist (by SPARTAN 119)Edit

Apache: DarkredDarkredDarkredDarkredDarkred

Filipino Insurrectionists:GreenGreenGreenGreenGreen

A group of Apache Warriors, one on horseback, look around a path in a jungle in the Philippines, confused as to how they got there. Little do they know, they are being watched by a group of Filipino insurrectionists.

An insurrectionist takes aim with a Mauser 1893 and fires a single shot, hitting the mounted Apache right through the head, killing him Darkred. An Apache armed with a Winchester Model 73 sees the Filipino sniper and shoots out of the tree he was hiding in Green.

The other Filipinos come out from the jungle, weapons in hand. A Filipino insurrectionist runs out of the jungle with a sibat in hand, and impales a surprised Apache Darkred, only to be shot by another Apache with a bow and arrow. The arrow impacts the Filipino's throat, killing him Green.

The Apache with the bow is shot by a Filipino with a Colt M1892, but the bow Apache is only wounded and manages to draw his Colt Single Action Army and shoot the Filipino Insurrectionist in the face, blowing his head open Green. Unfortunately for the Apache, he is stabbed to death by a bolo-wielding Filipino Darkred.

The bolo-wielder is killed with a blow to the head with a tomahawk, the axe blade embedding into his skull Green. The last Filipino insurrectionist retreats along the jungle path. What the Apaches don't notice is that he specifically avoids a particular leaf-covered spot. One of the Apaches steps on the leaves and falls through into a punji pit. The Apache is wounded and immobilized by the stakes and finished off by three shots from a Colt M1892 Revolver Darkred.

The other Apache puts down the spear in his hands and draws his Colt Single Action Army, taking cover behind a tree. The two warriors exchange pistol shots, neither side scoring a lethal hit. Out of ammunition, the Filipino runs at the Apache with a bolo. The Apache puts down his his pistol and grabs the spear, thrusting it into the insurrection's chest from beyond the reach of the bolo, killing the last insurrectionist. Green

Expert's OpinionEdit

While the Filipino's Mauser had better stopping power and reload speed than the Apache's Winchester, the Apaches took the other weapon categories, as well as several crucial X-factors.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Zulu Warrior (by Codgod13)Edit

n apache approaches a zulu in a clearing. Taking the american for a threat, the zulu yells and charges toward the apache. The native doesn't flinch, and fires an arrow at the zulu, but misses, and the zulu draws one of his two iwisa, and chucks it at the apache, the club hits the apache in the head, stunning him. This gives the zulu time to close in with his iklwa and thrust. However, the apache has recovered and draws a knife. After a few thrusts, the apache manages to cut the head off of the iklwa. The apache throws the knife into the zulu's shoulder, wounding him. The zulu yells, and the two warriors draw their axes. Having two weapons, the apache gains the advantage and disarms the zulu, only for the african to spit all over the apache, forcing him to turn away. The zulu pulls out a spare iwisa and smashes it against the apache's head, knocking him over and forcing him to drop his tomahawks. As the zulu swings again, the apache rolls away and leaps to his feet, drawing a spare knife. The zulu swings with the iwisa, but the apache dodges and gets in close with the knife, slashing the zulu multiple times across the torso. The apache flips backward, and throws the knife into the zulu's chest, who falls to his knees. The native draws his war club, and walks behind the zulu, the latter unable to turn around and see what's happening. Suddenly, with the trademark war cry, the apache smashes the club into the back of the zulu's head, killing him instantly.

Expert's OpinionEdit

The Zulu was defeated because he didn't possess any truly effective long ranged weapons while the Apache's weapons were all able to be used at a distance.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Ninja (by Goddess of Despair)Edit

The three apaches are camping at a lake in the middle of the forest. The ninjas approach the camp as silent as possible. The ninjas step closer and closer until, snap. A ninja looks down to see he stepped on a branch. He looked up and was greeted with an arrow to the throat. He fell down grasping the arrow. Ninjas-2 Apaches-3

The two ninjas see their partner fall and look at each other.  They look at the apache who killed their ally and the first ninja threw a shurikan. It stuck right in the apache’s shoulder causing him to grasp it in pain. A barrage off shurikans came flying at the other apaches who are forced to scatter. The injured one however falls back words riddled with shurikans all over his body. Ninjas-2 Apaches-2

The ninjas fall back into the woods as the apaches yell loudly and fire arrows at the ninjas. One hit a ninja in his lower back causing him to fall down in pain. The other ninja tore out the arrow and helped him up as they continued to retreat. The apaches charge after the ninjas continuing to yell as they split up to chase the ninjas in the woods. The wounded ninja hears a war cry of an approaching apache and looks for a spot to hide. He smells something odd and examines his surroundings. He sees several bodies covered in slash marks. He hears the apache closing in and lies down next to them. The apache enters the clearing the wounded ninja is at and looks around. Suddenly the ninja jumps up from the ground kama ready. The apache and the ninja lock knives and struggle to shove each other back. The apache draws his second knife and slashes at the ninja’s leg. The ninja falls down slightly then dies before the apache could strike again. The apache thinks for a second then realizes it was the poison from his arrow.

Ninjas-1 Apaches-2

The last ninja sees his comrade killed and ready’s his blow dart. As the apache looks and sees the last ninja he is hit mid chest by the dart. He gripped the dart then seconds later died from the poison.

Ninjas-1 Apaches-1

The last apache and the last ninja make eye contact. The ninja draws his ninjato and the apache draws two tomahawks. The ninja slashes horizontal and the apache parried the blade with his tomahawks and kicked the ninja back words, causing him to drop the ninjato. The ninja retreated to were the corpses of the other ninja and apache. He heard the apache approaching and readied a blowdart. He shot the dart at the apache as two tomahawks landed near his legs. The dart hit the apache in his arm but he ignored the pain and charged at the ninja.The ninja backed up slowly as the apche threw a knife at his knee. He roared in pain and tore out the bloodied blade and tossed it aside as the apache closed in. The apache swung his blade high and low yet the ninja parried it and counter striked each time with his kama. The ninja prepared to decapitate the apache with a final slash but the apache ducked and punched the knife wound. The ninja stumbled back words and then was tackled by the apache who put his knife to ninja’s throat and then gasped. He fell to the side dead from the poison. Ninjas-1 Apache-X

Expert's OpinionEdit

The ninja and the apache were both great warriors. The apache was fierce but was not as stealthy as the ninja and could not compare with the martial arts the ninja mastered. The final factor that led to the ninja's victory was the fact that the apache's weapons were made of weaker matierial then the ninja's equipment.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Zande Warrior (by Goddess of Despair)Edit

The Apache rides his horse slowly through the forest. The sun began to set behind him as he heard a rustling of some nearby bushes. Acting quickly, the Apache abandoned his horse and ran behind a tree. Ducking down, he readied an arrow and took aim.

Out from the bush emerged the Zande. The Apache examined him. Considering the size of the Zande, he must have been a warrior. The Apache fired his arrow, which met the Zande’s shield, penetrating slightly.

The Apache prepared to fire again, however he couldn’t find another arrow, having used the rest earlier against a Comanche group. The Zande hurled his Kpinga at the Apache, who quickly ducked beneath it. The Apache ran back to his horse, as the Zande armed himself with a Makrigga.

Removing a Tomahawk and club from the saddle, the Apache turned and hurled the Tomahawk at the Zande, the blade getting stuck in the shield he carried. The Zande threw the shield to the ground and charged, whilst yelling “Nyum Nyum!”

The Apache waited and at the right moment he dodged to the left, making the Zande thrust his spear into the horse. Before the African could react, the Apache slammed the pole with his Club, snapping it. Smiling, the Apache followed it up with a kick to the chest, making the Zande stumble back words.

Angered, the Zande turned and grabbed his Makraka off the ground as the Apache charged. The two weapons collided, the War club being split in two. The Apache delivered a swift kick to the Zande’s knee, and then drew his knife.

The Zande swung his Makraka but the Apache side stepped and slashed his arm. With a war cry, the Apache tackled the Zande, plunging his knife into the man’s chest. Tearing out his bloodied knife, the Apache brought the eapon to the Zande’s forehead and sliced off the flesh. Holding the scalp in the air, the Apache gave one last war cry in victory.

Expert's OpinionEdit

While the Zande Warrior dominated up close, he really was hindered at long range. The Apache can fight well on all ranges, although inferior up close he can still rain death with arrows. The Zande is intimidating with his sharpened teeth, but the Apache has the better training and marksmenship. Overall the Zande just couldn't keep up at long range, which is why he lost.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. the Incan Empire, the Aztec Empire, the Sioux, and the Maya (by El Alamein)Edit

The fog swirled across the Scottish plains, and the air was cold. Barely audible footsteps padded across the grassy ground, as two Apache warriors, bows drawn with an arrow ready, peered through the swirling mist and down a hill at the encamped Inca army. Bronze armor gleamed through the morning fog and the soldiers below readied weapons and armor, prepared for the battle about to take place - although they knew not all of the combatants who were to fight in it.

The Inca chief, Ahuitzotl, talked among his leading officers - they had bola-bolas slung over their shoulders and leaned on their lances slightly. They had been complaining of a lack of food, but their was not much Ahuitzotl could do until they had gotten rid of the Aztecs and Mayans. These new territories of the Scottish highlands would prove to be a good new home for them, after the Spanish swept across South and Central America, but they weren't the only ones who had a claim to the land.

Across a small creek the Aztecs were waiting. A small forest dotted the areas of their encampment, which provided excellent cover for the Apache and Sioux who were waiting there, as the two North American tribes had formed a hasty alliance. The Jaguars and Eagles roamed about the camp, weapons ready, along with the common soliders. The Aztec chief, Montezuma IV, readied his men and had them march on the Inca camp, leaving a few officers behind to guard the camp. No sooner than the main body of the army was out of sight and out of earshot, the Apache and Sioux raised blood-curdling war cries and surged out of the trees. Arrows rained down upon the unsuspecting Aztecs. They charged forth, recovered, with casualties from the long-range attack. Atl-atls and Tlahuitoll arrows returned the fire from a distance but were ineffective for the most part. The head of the Apache/Sioux force were crumpled over like paper in water - the Maquahutils hacked through their unarmored bodies with ease. The Aztecs didn't even bother to kill the injured and left dying men to clutch at their intestines spilled out on the grass. The Sioux slink back into the forest, leaving the Apache to try to fight an increasingly angry enemy, with armor and weapons that outclass their own. The Apache have men elsewhere, but the Aztec elimination plot has failed and their allies have fled.

The Maya have begun a minor engagement with the Inca when the Aztecs appear on the other side of their positon. It becomes a vicious melee as the Aztecs, in their battle-hunger, leave the Apache for dead and the far from defeated guerrilla unit slinks away to lick its own wounds (figuratively, of course). The Maya fall quickly in confusion and are crushed by the Aztec and Inca on each of their flanks. Just as quickly the Inca and Aztecs fall upon each other, but the more organized Inca with stronger weapons begin to rout the Aztec forces.

The Apache stumble right into a Sioux ambush, and arrows rain down on the wounded guerrilla fighters. After a few volleys of the confusion the Apache draw their bows and fire off into the trees where they are being fired on from. Sioux warriors with lances and axes rush out at the Apache, who respond by charging back with tomahawks and clubs. In a close-ranged battle the frenzied Apache have an advantage, quick strikes braining the Sioux braves and leaving them clutching at their innards spilling out from horizontal knife slashes. A few Apache meet their ends on the middle of a war lance but it's not enough - the Sioux flee the battlefield, defeated.

The Inca have also broken the Aztec war machine, but they are not fleeing, instead vying for individual acts of heroism. The Maquahuitl is inflicting serious casualties on the Inca, lopping heads and limbs and disembowling with a terrifying ease. It's not enough though. Ahuitzotl raises his hand-axe high over Montezuma's head and brings it down with a sickening crunch, sending liquid and brain-matter flying through the air.

The Apache and the Inca, high off of their victory and ready to continue the bloodbath, march on each other. Arrows and stones and bolas fly across the field and more men fall like stones. The Incas lose more than they can sustain, however, and even with superior training and armor, the crazy Apache fighting style is completely alien. Ahuitzotl swings his axe at a charging Apache and cracks the skull of his attacker open, but is stabbed in the back with a stolen Sioux war lance. It comes out his stomach and he's impaled to the ground, before a war club breaks his spine. The Incas fall back in panic and are massacred by the pursuing Apaches.

The Scottish highlands are dotted with the discarded weapons of the slain. The body parts and blood and brains scatter the sick fields. Corpses lay sprawled in the sun. Among it all, the Apache raise their war cry high in the sky.


Expert's OpinionEdit

I'm glad I didn't write the battle when I was going to, because sock puppets would have made the Inca win. Luckily I waited months to write it, and the Apache are the true winners because of their guerrilla tactics perfect for an army-on-army fight - they would wait out until the situation was in their favor. Their alien fighting styles would confuse their foes from any region, and this is what carried them to victory.

To see the original battle, weapons and votes, click here.

Battle vs Australian Aboriginal Warrior (by MilenHD)Edit

In a rocky desert, an Australian Aboriginal is walking with his shield in hand and with no sign of exhaustion over the searing sun and high heat of the desert. Near a tunnel an Apache was hiding from the the heat, until he saw the Aboriginal and thinking he was a raider or something like that, the Apache grabbed his bow and pulled the string, aiming at the Aboriginal's head and as he fired, the Aboriginal raised his shield and blocked the arrow and covered behind a large boulder.

The Aboriginal prepared his woomera and as he showed up behind the boulder, he threw it at the Apache, but the spear missed the Native American and the Apache retaliated with another arrow shot, which failed again. The Aboriginal pulled his rostrum club and his shield raised in hand and charged at the Apache, blocking every arrow shot with his shield. As the Aboriginal got closer to the tunnel, the Apache threw one of his tomahawks, which bounched of the shield of the Aboriginal. As the Apache got away from the tunnel to face the Aboriginal, the Aboriginal sliced his upper clothes and shoulder with his rostrum club, with the next few swings the rostrum broke in two after clashing with a tomahawk. The Aboriginal pulled his nulla nulla club, he smacked the Apache's stomach making him to fall at his knees, and as the Aboriginal prepared to finish the Apache, but in the next moment the Aboriginal's foot was stabbed by a knife, allowing the Apache to retreat.

As the Aboriginal groaned in pain, the Apache ran to hide near the bushes and stones, and as he was running his back was hit by a boomerang making him to slip and fall down, and as the Aboriginal tried to chase him, the Apache got up and smashed with his club at the Aboriginal's shield, and after few hits the war club got broken after it clashed with the nulla nulla club. The next moment the Apache stepped away to evade a blow from the nulla nulla and threw one of his knives, only to get stuck in the shield, but the second one ended up in the knee, making the Aboriginal to grunt in pain.

The Apache took this as an opportunity and attacked the Aboriginal, but the Aboriginal smacked him once again in the stomach making the Apache to grunt in pain, and as the Aboriginal tried to smash the Apache's head, the Apache stabbed him in the guts with his knife, as the Aboriginal spit blood and felt on his knees, the Apache threw his knife at the Aboriginal's throat, killing him at the moment.

As the Apache pulled his knife and gave a mighty war cry.

Expert's OpinionEdit

The Apache's better weaponry and their better training won them the match against the Australian Aboriginal, who despite fighting things from Megalania to the European colonist, were unable to compete with the Apache's better weapons and fighting style.

To see the original battle, votes and weapons, click here.

Disregarded BattleEdit

Battle vs. Imperial Japanese Army (by MilitaryBrat)Edit

Imperial Japanese: BlueBlueBlueBlueBlue

Apache: RedRedRedRedRed

January 1940

5 Japanese soldiers have infiltrated the USA and have reached an Apache Indian reservation. They kill every one on the Reservation. 5 other Apache get back from a hunting trip and see the destruction. They spot the Japanese and the leader pulls out his Henry Rifle and shoots one of them. Blue

The Japanese see this and one of them readies his Arisaka and kills an Apache.Red As they close the distance, the Apaches pull out there pistols. They kill one while a tomahawk is thrown at a Japanese soldier. Blue Blue The Japanese kill 1 Apache with a Nambu pistol. Red

The Officer kills an Apache with a katana and another is killed by bayoneting. Red Red

Te lead Apache, seeing his brothers killed gets him angry. He throws a tomohawk at the face of the soldier with the rifle Blue and then takes it out and slits the Officer's throat and scalps him and lets out a war cry that is heard for miles around. Blue

Expert's OpinionEdit

The Apache dominated at long range, and the tomahawk decimated the Japanese up close. Combine their mildly superior weapons with their stealth abilities and they were able to defeat their better trained foes.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

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