Neanderthal man listened to stories, if one may judge by the shape of his skull
— E. M. Forster

Neanderthals are our closest extinct human relative. Some defining features of their skulls include the large middle part of the face, angled cheek bones, and a huge nose for humidifying and warming cold, dry air. Their bodies were shorter and stockier than ours, another adaptation to living in cold environments. But their brains were just as large as ours and often larger - proportional to their brawnier bodies.

Neanderthals made and used a diverse set of sophisticated tools, controlled fire, lived in shelters, made and wore clothing, were skilled hunters of large animals and also ate plant foods, and occasionally made symbolic or ornamental objects. There is evidence that Neanderthals deliberately buried their dead and occasionally even marked their graves with offerings, such as flowers. No other primates, and no earlier human species, had ever practiced this sophisticated and symbolic behavior.

Battle vs. Maricoxi warriors (by KevlarNinja)Edit

Out in a Ice Age tundra, a lone Neanderthal is hunting a snowshoe hare a few miles outside of his tribe. He's about to kill it, but suddenly, something else does. The Neanderthal goes up to the hare and pulls out what killed it: an arrow. As he tries to figure out what it is, he hears something shouting. He looks and sees who shot the arrow, a Marioxi. The Marioxi is doing a war dance (drawing and retracting his bow well walking forwards and backwards). Then the apeman fires an arrow for real and starts running towards the Neanderthal. Thinking quickly, the Neanderthal picks up a rock and the arrow hits it, snapping the arrow in half. As the Marioxi comes closer, the Neanderthal throws the rock, hitting the Marioxi in the chest and knocking him over.

The Neanderthal tries to stab the Marioxi with his Spear, but the Marioxi dodges and gets back up. The Marioxi throws an Axe, but it hits a single dead tree instead. As they get into short range, the neanderthal pulls out a hand axe and the marioxi, a stone knife. They scrape back and forth until the marioxi cuts the neanderthal on the hand. The neanerthal runs away, and the marioxi gives chase. The neanderthal picks up a new rock. The marioxi caches up with him and tries to stab him with his stake. The neanderthal dodges it and hits the marioxi in the head with the rock, knocking him out.

The neanderthal goes behind the cover of a big rock. He takes a branch off the tree and starts wacking it with a piece of flint. The marioxi wakes up and hears the flint hitting the stick. He walks towards the rock, shouting. Just as he's about to stab the neanderthal, he gets a spark and uses the torch to light the marioxi's hair on fire. As the apeman dies, the neanderthal roars in victory and starts to drag the marioxi's and the hare's bodys back home.

Winner: Neanderthal

Expert's OpinionEdit


To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Pukwudgie (by KevlarNinja)Edit

Neanderthal: 12345

Pukwudgie: 12345

In the forests in what will be Massachusetts, five Neanderthal hunters are wondering though the woods, looking for deer. Suddenly, they hear something cackle. Then, there leader points ahead, to a group of Pukwudgie, One of them stares at a Neanderthal, who bursts into flame.

Neanderthal: 1234

A second Neanderthal throws his torch at the Pukwudgie, lighting HIM on fire.

Pukwudgie: 1234

As the cavemen and demons charge toward each other, one Neanderthal picks up a rock and throws it at a Pukwudgie, brakeing his skull.

Pukwudgie: 123

A Pukwudgie with a Bow and Arrow and one with darts, use there range weapons, the Bow and Arrow Pukwudgie kills the rock-thrower and the dart Pukwudgie kills the torch thrower.

Neanderthal: 12

A fourth Neanderthal stabs the dart Pukwudgie with his spear like a mushroom on a stick.

Pukwudgie: 12

Then the gutsy caveman pulls out his hand axe and wacks the bow and arrow Pukwudgie on the head. He keeps stabing and ripping, until he's done. He thoughs the Pukwudgie at a tree trunk, which now looks like a piece of meat.

Pukwudgie: 1

Then the Pukwudgie leader jumps up in the air and wacks the caveman on temple with his club.

Neanderthal: 1

The Neanderthal leader comes over, but the leader lights him on fire.


As the Pukwudgie leader steals the cavemen weapons, he cackles in victory.

Winner: Pukwudgie

Expert's Opinion Edit

The Pukwudgie's weaponry was more deadly than the Neanderthal's and required less effort to kill with and this helped to compensate for their smaller stature.  

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.