Once you join them, you belong to them, you die for them. They can defeat anyone.
— Fahim Fazli, former Mujahideen freedom fighter.

The Taliban, alternative spelling Taleban, which refers to itself as the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan (IEA), is an Islamic terrorist movement in Afghanistan. It spread into Afghanistan and formed a government, ruling as the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan from September 1996 until December 2001, with Kandahar as the capital. However, it gained diplomatic recognition from only three states: Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, and the United Arab Emirates. Mohammed Omar has been serving as the spiritual leader of the Taliban since 1994.

While in power, it enforced its strict interpretation of Sharia law, and leading Muslims have been highly critical of the Taliban's interpretations of Islamic law. The Taliban were condemned internationally for their brutal treatment of women. The majority of their leaders were influenced by Deobandi fundamentalism, and many also strictly follow the social and cultural norm called Pashtunwali.

From 1995-2001, the Pakistani Inter-Services Intelligence and military are widely alleged by the international community to have provided support to the Taliban. Their connections are possibly through Harkat-ul-Mujahideen, a terrorist group founded by Sami ul Haq.

Battle vs. Waffen SS (by Samurai234)Edit

Waffen SS: Darkred Darkred Darkred Darkred Darkred

Taliban: Grey Grey Grey Grey Grey

In Afghanistan, a small squad of Waffen SS soldiers are marching around the city, looking for any signs of enemies. Up ahead, a small Taliban squad are hiding in a small house, waiting for their arrival. A Taliban sniper carefully aims his Dragunov and shoots a Nazi in his forehead.

Waffen SS: Darkred Darkred Darkred Darkred

Taliban: Grey Grey Grey Grey Grey

Four of the Taliban operatives exit their house and a firefight ensues. During the firefight, a Waffen SS member manages to hit a Taliban operative in his stomach with his StG. As the Taliban member tries to regain his balance, another Waffen SS member armed with a MP-18 finishes the job.

Waffen SS: Darkred Darkred Darkred Darkred

Taliban: Grey Grey Grey Grey

The Taliban retreat with the SS in hot pursuit. Unaware to one of the SS members, there is a PMN mine in his path. He steps on it, blowing it up.

Waffen SS: Darkred Darkred Darkred

Taliban: Grey Grey Grey Grey

As the Taliban continue running, up ahead, a Waffen SS sniper takes out a Taliban member with his Karabiner 98k.

Waffen SS: Darkred Darkred Darkred

Taliban: Grey Grey Grey

Suddenly, another Taliban Member armed with an PPS fires the gun and the sniper ducks for cover. The Taliban Member laughs, thinking he has killed the sniper, but as he toward the house the sniper was hiding in, a S-mine pops out of the ground and blows up, damaging his face.

Waffen SS: Darkred Darkred Darkred

Taliban: Grey Grey

Meanwhile, back at the house where the Nazi sniper was hiding, another Waffen SS member enters the house and directs him toward to their truck. While they are approaching the truck, however, a Taliban member armed with a AK-47 kills one of the two Nazis.

Waffen SS: Darkred Darkred

Taliban: Grey Grey

The other Waffen SS member hides behinds the and straps on his Flammenwerfer Flamethrower. He pops out from behind the truck and sprays fire from the Flammenwerfer, setting the Taliban member aflame.

Waffen SS: Darkred Darkred

Taliban: Grey

Suddenly, the Taliban boss sees all his men are dead, and realizes he has to do something fast. He grabs a RPG-7 and fires the grenade at the Waffen SS member with the Flammenwefer, creating a giant explosion.

Waffen SS: Darkred

Taliban: Grey

The Taliban boss Grabs his Makarov and goes down the hill, looking for the Waffen SS leader. Suddenly, bullets fly at the nearby wall. He turns and sees the Waffen SS leader, Walther in hand. The two fire at each other, until they run out of ammo. The Waffen SS leader hides and grabs one of his dead comrades' StG. The Taliban boss approaches the house but the Waffen SS leader pops out and shoots him in the stomach. As the Taliban member falls downs, The Waffen SS leader puts the rifle next to the Taliban boss's head and pulls the trigger.

Waffen SS: Darkred


The Waffen SS leader raises his fist in the air and yells "Deutschland!" in victory.

Winner: Waffen SS

Expert's OpinionEdit

The Experts though the reason why the Waffen SS won was that even though the Taliban were sneaky and had more advanced weapons, the Waffen SS were better trained and knew how to use their weapons better.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here

Battle vs. Medellin Cartel (by Wassboss)Edit

5 Medellin cartel members are in a warehouse, packing up cocaine ready to smuggle it over the Afghan border. Two of them are packing up the cocaine and two are playing a game of cards. The last member, who is also the leader, is on edge. He knows that there is a terrorist group in this country and cannot relax knowing that they could attack at any moment.

Meanwhile a band of 5 Taliban are hiding behind a crate, just outside the warehouse. 4 of them are armed with AK-47’s and the last with a PPS and a RPG-7. The leader gives the signal and the RPG wielder loads up a rocket and aims it at the cartel members. He fires the rocket but his aim is slightly off and it hits the back wall of the building, doing nothing but giving away their position.

The cartel members jump to their feet, alerted to the attack. The Taliban burst out all guns a blazing. They manage to hit one of the Colombians in the forehead, killing him instantly. (5-4)

One of the other cartel members takes out a M60 and opens fire taking out one of the AK wielders. (4-4)

The cartel leader sees that the Taliban are better trained than he thought and tells his men to fall back. They all obey apart from the M60 wielder who stands his ground firing his gun manically and laughing. The RPG wielder fires another rocket and hits the crazed Colombian, sending body pieces flying. (4-3)

The head Taliban tells all of his men, bar the RPG wielder, to go after the Cartel members. He tells the other man to stay here encase more of them come. The man nods his head and the leader runs after his men. One of them turns a corner and a Cartel member jumps out and sprays him with bullets. (3-3)

Another Taliban turns the corner and opens fire on the man but he jumps behind cover. The Taliban runs over to where he is hiding and is ambushed by a cartel member with a machete. The Taliban member turns to face his attacker but he is too late to do anything as the machete is plunged into his heart. (2-3)

The two cartel members stand up and head back towards the cocaine storing part of the warehouse. They both jump into a car and drive off. Little do they know that the RPG wielding Taliban is hiding in the back seat. With a roar he jumps up and pumps the driver full of lead. (2-2)

The other cartel member turns around to face the attacking terrorist. The Taliban jumps on him and stabs him in the stomach with his bayonet. He then throws the injured Colombian out of the car and drives off. The injured cartel member takes out his detonator and presses it sending pieces of metal, blood and body parts flying. (1-2)

The man walks over to the scene of the original fire fight. He picks up an M60 and walks over to the spare truck. Just as he is about to get in he hears a noise coming from another room. He walks over to it and kicks the door down and points his gun at.... His boss. The cartel member realises his mistake and lowers his gun. The cartel boss goes to pick up his uzi. When he turns back around the other cartel member is dead, with a knife sticking though his neck. (1-1)

The body falls to the ground, revealing the Taliban leader. He tries to stab the Cartel boss but he grabs the barrel of the rifle. He then points his uzi at the terrorist and pumps him full of lead. He is about to yell a victory cry when a shot rings out and he falls down dead. (0-0)

A British soldier lowers his pistol and takes out his radio. “Hello is anyone there”. “It’s me captain jones” answers a voice. “I have just taken out a hostel threat, seems like they have set up a base here”. “Well done Daniel” the voice says “No back to base General Wassboss wants to speak to you”. Winner Medellin Drug cartel

Expert’s opinionEdit

The Medellin cartel won because of their harder hitting weaponry at all ranges and better training.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Viet Cong (by MilitaryBrat)Edit

A Viet Cong squad leader is creeping with his 4 men in an abandoned Soviet city in the summer time. His name is Tuan and his men are named Kim, Huu, Hoc, and Hoang. Kim is struggling with the load of his RPD machine gun. It weighs more than the AK-47 he's used to carrying.

"Hey you, be careful with that machine gun. If you break it you won't have any weapon to use."

"Sorry Tuan, I'm not used to this weight."

"You were the one who wanted this weapon Kim," Hoang said "Carry your weight."

On the other side of the burnt out city, 5 Taliban fighters are on patrol. The leader, named Osama is leading his 4 men, named Omar, Nadir, Muhammad, and Ahmad. Nadir is looking at the Soviet symbols on the buildings and billboards in confusion.

"Osama, something tells me we're not in Afghanistan anymore."

Osama, a short man with a black beard, a fat face, and scar extending over his nose and across both of his cheeks said in reply, "Yes Nadir, I see that. You don't have to point out every single f*****g detail to me."

"How will we get back to Afghanistan, Osama?" Muhammad asked.

"How am I supposed to know? I'm Osama the goat herder not Osama bin Laden."

About 3-5 sweeps of the city later............

"Hey Tuan," Hoc started, who are those people over there? They look, brown."

Tuan takes his captured American binoculars and looks through them to see the Taliban fighters emerging from an ally about 100 feet away. The Taliban however have also spotted them. Tuan wipes the sweat off his face and thinks long hard for about 3 minutes, he then says to his men:

"Open fire on them!!!!!!"

About 3 minutes earlier............

Osama spots the 5 Vietnamese men and tell his men to observe them.

"They could be Americans."

"But Osama," Ahmad says "They aren't white, aren't all Americans white?"

"No they aren't. Maybe they're Mexicans." Omar says.

"Omar's right." Osama says. "Either way we should open fire on them."

At about the same time Tuan gave the order to open fire, Osama did as well. The RPD of the Viet Cong barking to life with a 20 round burst of belt fed ammo. The Taliban had not had time to set up their Machine gun, but they fired their PPSH's, killing Hoang, while Kim kills Omar.

Viet Cong: 4

Taliban: 4

Tuan and his squad displaced and some went into allys and others went into buildings. Kim lugged his machine gun up 2 stories and set up behind an office desk with his A-gunner Huu. Osama and the rest of the Afghans pursued them all. Osama comes across Hoc and shoots at him but only manages to get off one round which lucky for him hits Hoc's leg, piercing his artery and knocking him to the ground. Hoc attempts to grab his Mat-49 which fell out of his hands, but is stopped by Osama's combat knife in between his shoulder blades.

Viet Cong: 3

Taliban: 4

Kim and Huu are sitting behind an overturned desk in an abandoned Soviet office building. The heat in the building is making them sweat which distracts them. They suddenly see Nadir trying to creep up on them and they turn his body into swiss cheese.

Viet Cong: 3

Taliban: 3

Muhammad comes right after Nadir and thinks to himself, "Alright, there's two men in there. One with a machine gun, the other possibly with a weapon himself." He decides on using Nadir's weapon for suppressing fire, then uses his grenade. He throws it into the room with the two and kills Huu while Kim is knocked on his ass. He tries to execute him with his combat knife but is killed himself with Kim's Tokarev.

Viet Cong: 2

Taliban: 2

Tuan is scanning an alley behind a hotel and sees something, a turban. He takes aim with his Mat-49 and fires. The turban falls down,but to his dismay Tuan didn't kill anyone. Ahmad jumps out of a dumpster with his combat knife and tackles Tuan. Tuan however pushes Ahmad off him and pulls out his machete, swinging it at Ahmad like a baseball bat, eventually scoring a home run in the form of decapitating Ahmad.

Viet Cong: 2

Taliban: 1

Osama has heard the shooting from the office building and is going to investigate. There he sees the bodies of Muhammad, Nadir, Huu, and Kim. All dead from the fight.

Viet Cong: 1

Taliban: 1

Osama spots Tuan coming out of an ally seconds after killing Ahmad and looks for a weapon to use. He decides on Nadir's Ppsh and goes to kill Tuan. Tuan has picked up a Tokarev from Hoc's corpse. He looks for the last Afghan and sees him running towards him trying to make his Ppsh work, he decides to duck down into cover while he fixes his Ppsh and Tuan shoots at him.

"Damn, why won't this piece of junk work?" He removes the magazine to see that Nadir had no ammunition. Meanwhile, Tuan has made his way over to Osama and taps him on the head with his Tokarev as Osama tries to reload. Osama looks up and sees the barrel of the Tokarev in his face. Tuan pulls the trigger, shooting a bullet into Osama's head.

Viet Cong: 1

Taliban: 0

Tuan then raises his fist and gives a victory shout.

Expert's OpinionEdit

Please consider a contribution to why the Viet Cong won.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Sicilian Mafia (by MilitaryBrat)Edit

No battle written.

Winner-Sicilian Mafia

Expert's OpinionEdit

Please consider a contribution to why the Mafia won.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes, click here.

Battle vs. Khmer Rouge (by Deathblade 100)Edit


Khmer Rouge:BrownBrownBrownBrown

The sound of clattering stones filled the air, as four Taliban insurgents climbed down from a steep mountain. As they entered a nearby village, four Khmer Rouge guerrillas enter from a jungle and take cover behind a wall. One of the Taliban had a PKM Machine Gun; his comrades all carried AK-47 assault rifles and one had an RPG-7 Rocket Launcher. One of the Khmer Rouge had his RPD Light Machine Gun in hand; two of his colleagues carry M16A1 assault rifles and one carries a Tokarev TT33 pistol.

As the Taliban start talking to each other, the Tokarev wielding Khmer Rouge tosses an RGD-33 grenade into the hut the Taliban were in. The grenade explodes, killing one of the AK wielding Taliban.Red The Taliban's PKM gunner retaliates by firing in all direction, wounding two of the Khmer Rouge. A well placed shot from an AK-47 kills a Khmer Rouge fighter.Brown

The Taliban and Khmer Rouge start firing at each other with their assault rifles and Machine guns. The M16A1 wielding Khmer Rouge fighter enters a building as a Taliban follows him with his AK. A brief burst of fire from both fighters miss each other. The Taliban unsheathes his bayonet and strikes at the Khmer Rouge. The Cambodian pulls out his Cane Knife and hacks at the Afghani. As the two grapple, a third Taliban aims his RPG-7 at the building and fires. The rocket kills both combatants in the blast.BrownRed

A Khmer Rouge guerilla fires two shots at the RPG Taliban from his Tokarev TT33. The RPG Taliban fires a shot from his Makarov. The Taliban runs with his bayonet towards the wounded Khmer Rouge before being struck by a cane knife used by a Cambodian.Red As a Cambodian runs into a house, a thrust from a bayonet took him in the chest.Brown

The last Khmer Rouge enters  the building and swings his cane knife at the Taliban's head. The Taliban leader ducks and the blade gets stuck in a wooden wall. The Taliban leader walks up to the Khmer Rouge leader with an AK-47 and fires a burst of fire at point blank.Brown

The Taliban leader raised his rifle and yells "Allahu Akbar!" (God is Great!) in victory before hearing a helicopter closing in the distance.

Expert's Opinion Edit

The Taliban won due to overwhelming firepower, weaponry and X-Factors. While the Khmer Rouge were fanatical, they could not stop the extremist organisation from claiming victory. To see the original votes, battle and weapons, click here

Battle vs Somali Pirates (by Deathblade 100) Edit

Somali: BlueBlueBlueBlueBlue

Taliban: RedRedRedRedRed

Middle East, 2010

A sputtering sound filled the air as a skiff containing five Somali Pirates advances towards a dockyard. As the pirates disembarked, a cell of five Taliban insurgents advance down a hill towards the shipping yard. As the Taliban advance, a burst of fire from the pirates' PKM caused the Taliban to scatter.

A Taliban soldier returned fire with his RPD and fatally wounded an AK-wielding pirate. Blue A burst of PKM fire took out the RPD-wielding Taliban. Red Two Somalis open fire with their AK-47s killing a Taliban fighter. Red The Taliban leader orders his remaining men to pull back. As the Taliban withdraw, a shot from a Somali's RPG fatally wounds an insurgent. Red

The Somalis started to pursue the Taliban however, a pirate accidentally treads on a PMN mine planted by the Taliban leader.Blue A Somali swings his grappling hook towards a Taliban insurgent, tearing open his stomach. As the Taliban started to bleed out, he drew out his bayonet and drove it into the Somali's neck.BlueRed As the remaining two pirates searched for the last Taliban, one of the two heard a gun cocking before both started to turn. As the two pirates turned around, the Taliban leader opened fire with his AKS-74U killing both of them.BlueBlue

The Taliban leader raised his AKS-74U and yelled "Allahu Akbar!" in victory, before reloading and moving out of the shipping yard.

Expert's OpinionEdit

The Taliban won due to better weapons and training. While the Somali Pirates did have the experience, the fact was their weapons were pretty much out of date with the exception of the PKM and even then, they lacked the training the Taliban had. To see the original battle, votes and weapons, click here

Battle vs. The Covenant, the Sword, and the Arm of the Lord (by HanSolo69) Edit


Hindu Kush Mountains, Afghanistan, 0900

The mountains are serene and peaceful. Suddenly, a military grade truck pulls into an opening in the land. Out of it come several men wearing Islamic drabs and wielding assault rifles. These men wait. Soon, another truck drives into view. Several Caucasian men wearing black and/or camouflage exit the truck and walk towards them. The two groups stare each other down for a few seconds.

"So," says the man in the beret, in a thick Missouri accent, "you must be the Northern Alliance. We're the Covenant, the Sword, and the Arm of the Lord. We're scheduled to receive training from y'all".

One of the Northern Alliance members nods his head and gestures towards the mountains. "Our base is about twenty kilometers west of here. Unfortunately, Taliban are infested in these parts of the mountains, so we'll have to move quickly".

The CSA leader nods in agreement. "Alright then". He then turned to his men. "You heard the Arab, boys. Twenty clicks west. Keep your eyes peeled for these, howdidya say it, "Taliban". Heh. Should be a piece of cake."

LATER In a separate part of the mountain, eight Taliban insurgents maneuver through the rocks. They had heard of a Northern Alliance base west of their's, and had prepared for some simple hit and run attacks. However, they had to be stealthy, as the CIA had installed thermal cameras throughout the mountains, easily alerting them to their presence. The Taliban leader raised his fist, signalling his men to stop. They sat on the rocks to get well-deserved rest. 

One of his men quickly turned his head. "Do you hear that?", he said in Arabic. The leader turned his direction and listened. He faintly heard the sound of rumbling. His eyes widened.

"I hear it too! Americans! Take cover!' he cried. The Taliban scrambled to find a position. They took cover and waited. The rumbling became louder. The eight radicals prepared for an all-out attack. However, around a corner turned only one military-grade truck. The Taliban leader quickly eased up. One truck of American soldiers or Northern Alliance fighter would be a piece of cake. "Abdul!," he whispered to one of his men, "take it out."

The man nodded. He unstrapped an RPG-7 rocket launcher from his back. He shouldered it and looked down the scope. He aligned it with the front of the truck....


Taliban  RedRedRedRedRedRedRedRed

Covenant GreenGreenGreenGreenGreenGreenGreenGreen

...and fired. The rocket wizzed towards the truck. It struck the front, of the truck, causing an explosion. At the sight of this, the Taliban rose and began to cry out in victory as the truck toppled onto its side. Little did they know that someone inside had found a hatch to escape. Inside the truck, two members of the Covenant lay dead from the blast GreenGreen, while the other six are merely rattled. One pops the hatch and they exit the vehicle.

"What in hells name was that?!" cried the leader.

"Dunno," said one of his men, "I'm gonna take a look. Watch my back." The Covenant member crept to the edge of the fallen truck. He peaked his head over it. He say several men in Middle Eastern clothing shouting with their weapons in the air. He turned back to his group.

"Eight tangos in the rocks above us. Probably those.... tally-whatevers the guy was talking 'bout".

The leader sighed. He then looked to his men. "Lock and load, boys. It's time to serve an Almighty God."

The CSA militiamen loaded their weapons. One rested his G3 battle rifle on the fallen truck in sniper position. He fired a round, hitting a Taliban member in the head Red. The Taliban then noticed this new threat. Several Caucasian men began firing on them. The remaining Taliban scrambled for a new position. Despite this, another Taliban was hit Red.

"Spread out!" shout the Taliban leader in Arabic. The rest started to advance forward, firing their weapons. A CSA member fired his G3 at one of them. The Taliban ducks, as he is pinned down. Suddenly, the gun stops. The CSA looks down at it, only to discover its jammed. He frantically struggles to fix it. However, the Taliban starts to charge at him, PPS-42 in hand. The CSA panics, and pulls out his silenced Ruger. He fires, hitting the Taliban in the torso. He takes a sigh of relief. However, the Taliban gets back up, as the tiny bullet didn't leave much damage. The Covenant man starts firing wildly, missing each time. The wounded Taliban levels his PPS and riddles the CSA Green. The Taliban stumbles forward to cover. However, the Covenant leader meets him. Immediately his fires his Ithaca shotgun, killing the Taliban Red.

Meanwhile, other members of the two groups are engaged in a firefight, with the Taliban having the CSA pinned. One Taliban tries to advance to a closer position. A CSA notices this, and fires his MAC-10. He falls dead Red. The Covenant members than try making a run for it, with one laying down covering fire with his MAC-10. The Taliban leader rises and fires his AK-47, downing the CSA. The rest of them then follow suit as the wounded Covenant member attempts to crawl away. He is finished with a second burst Green.

By the time they reach the Covenant, they find that they have formed a firing line. They all open fire immediately, killing another Taliban Red. The Taliban return fire, but hit nothing. However, one CSA begins to reload his G3 rifle. A Taliban takes advantage of this and blow him away with his AK-47 Green. Meanwhile, a Covenant member sneaks past the rocks with his MAC-10 at the ready. Suddenly, a Taliban jumps down from the rocks above and tackles him. The CSA shoves him off and goes for his gun. The Taliban responds by firing his TT-33 pistol, hitting the CSA in the back. The CSA cries out in pain, but nonetheless persists. He grabs his MAC-10 and raises it. He shoots the Taliban directly in the chest Red. He tries to prop himself up against some rocks, but slumps back down, succumbing to his wounds Green.

Meanwhile, the final two Taliban's advance slowly toward a small river. The leader signals to the other to scout the banks. He nods and moves forward, gun at the ready. Suddenly, the Covenant leader pops out of the plants and fires his Ithaca, blowing the Taliban's head off Red. The other CSA comes out running, firing his G3. The Taliban leader charges right back at him. When they meet, the Taliban slams the butt of his AK-47 into the CSA's stomach. When he falls to the grounds, the Taliban empties his magazine into him Green. The Taliban goes to reload. He finds, however, that he's out of ammo. He dives for cover as the CSA leader continues to fire his Ithaca. However, he discovers that he too is empty. He drops his Ithaca and unsheathes his KA-BAR knife. The Taliban attaches his bayonet to his AK-47, and charges screaming. He thrusts his rifle at the Covenant member, but him simply dodges it. He swings his KA-BAR, slashing the Taliban in the shoulder. He cries out in pain. He swings his bayoneted rifle at him, but he backs away and dodges. He responds by punching the Taliban in the face. Momentarily stunned, the Taliban falls to the ground. the Covenant member then goes in to finish the job. However, at the last second, the Taliban sticks out his rifle, impaling the CSA. he cries out in agony, and falls to the ground. The Taliban gets back and continues to stab the Covenant member repeatedly. Blood begins to flow out of the militia leader's mouth, before his body finally goes limp Green.

The Taliban pulls his bayonet out of the Covenant leader's corpse. He stares at it for a moment in silent rage. He then raises his rifle into the air and shouts, "Allahu Ackbar!".


Experts OpinionEdit

While the CSA were the arguably better trained, that was the only real edge they had. The Taliban had superior military-grade weapons and a ton of experience. The Covenant surrendered when they got backed into a corner. The Taliban have been fighting meaningless wars for about 30 years. In the end, The Covenant, the Sword, and the Arm of the Lord couldn't even hold a candle to the destructive capabilities of the Taliban.

To see the original battle, weapons, and votes click here.