|The Joker (Comics)|
Stiletto, Crowbar, Electric Joy buzzer, Cyanide-filled Pies, Acid-Squirting Flower, Exploding cigars filled with nitroglycerin, Razor-Sharp Playing Cards, Joker Venom, Harpoon Gun, 21-inch Long Smith & Wesson Model 15-3, New Colt Service, Tommy Gun, and TAR-21.
Batman #1 (DC Comics)
Terrorizing the Batman and Gotham
Unknown; Since Transformation
Victorious over Nemesis (Comics), The Red Skull, Green Goblin, and Team Baskerville. Tied with Professor Genki. Will fight Kingpin, Will battle alongside Harley Quinn (DC Comics) against Captain America (Comics) and The Falcon.
The Joker, real name unknown, is a homicidal maniac and the archenemy of Batman. Although his full origin is truly unknown, the Joker is known to have been forced to swim through a vat of chemicals which turned his skin white, his hair green, and left his face permanently locked in a double Glasgow Grin. Completely unpredictable with no regard for human life, the Joker finds murder and mayhem funny, and is perhaps the most dangerous man on New Earth with a body count stretching into the thousands, all centered around his obsession with destroying the Dark Knight.
While the Joker's criminal activities have certainly not been limited to the following by far, he has performed a considerable number of acts that distinguish him from the population of ordinary villains. During the events of "A Death in the Family," the Joker murdered Jason Todd, the second Robin. Jason had been searching for his mother in Africa, and found out too late that she had actually been involved in criminal activity with none other than the Clown Prince of Crime himself. Jason's mother betrayed him, and the Joker tied the two of them up together in a warehouse set to blow up. He also viciously beat Jason with a crowbar many times, causing severe trauma to his head. Batman was unable to rescue the two of them before the bomb's detonation, and they were both killed in the explosion. Jason's death has haunted Batman ever since, and has intensified his obsession with his archenemy.
The Joker couldn’t help but laugh at the image before him- This “New-Gotham” had proven far easier to take control of than his old home. A map lay out in front of him, with small pieces to represent the various players, all vying for control of New-Gotham. The Penguin and Two-Face didn’t make it a week in here; they couldn’t adapt fast enough, but this Parker Robbins fellow had proven himself surprisingly tenacious, and his powerful resistance had left the Joker essentially locked out of the entire York Towers district, but despite this, the Joker had control of the criminal underworld in most of the rest of the city, and a large portion of the second island was completely in his pocket. Never had his control been so absolute. And never had he been so…bored. He certainly hoped ol’ Bats hadn’t kicked the bucket yet. He took a look around his room, his eyes catching the strange cube that Harley had salvaged for him as a trophy when the locked down control of Yancy Street. Sure, he didn’t know what it was… but it made one hell of a lamp for the dark, dingy warehouse that he had converted into his little “palace”- “Emperor Joker” he laughed to himself. The concept elated him. “Soon.” He thought, before turning his attention to his security cameras. It had become his hobby, watching his idiotic goons, hoping for his Bat to appear and break them for his amusement. Today, his perseverance would pay off. At the south entrance, there of his guards were quickly obliterated by a man- no BATman, but no normal man for sure. His head was the twisted image of a crimson skull, and his guards were dead within seconds. Joker smiled, howling with laughter- maybe this new enemy would put up enough of a fight to help fill the emptiness the Joker felt. “Ah well.” He sighed to himself “If he doesn’t, I’ll just cut open his throat, bleed him out, and leave him in a body back in some vermin-ridden gutter.”
The Red Skull decided to take the south entrance because it was the one with the lightest guards. No point in letting the Clown know he was here, and ruin the surprise. Only three men stood in his way- one unarmed, one with a pipe and the other with a shotgun. Red Skull took a deep breath- he always loved this part. He never felt more alive than when his blood howled with the rush of combat. His fist collided with the unarmed man’s face first, before they even had time to react to his presence. The Skull felt the man’s face as it seemed to crumple around his fist, blood spraying everywhere like a violent geyser. He grinned- these clowns may as well be moving in slow motion. Sidestepping a blow from the pipe, the Skull delivered a quick jab to the side of the shotgun in the hands of the other man, just enough, as the clown-painted henchman pulled the trigger. The blast rang out, but it also rang hollow, as the shotgun had been knocked far enough off course that the blast didn’t even touch the Skull, allowing him to seize the moment and head butt the guard so hard, it snapped his neck, causing him to stagger backwards and crumple, dead. The last two tried to take him at the same time, but the Skull batted away the blow of the pipe-wielding clown with the back of his hand while simultaneously catching the unarmed man’s punch, snapping his arm. Grabbing the man’s Ulna, the Red Skull snapped the bone, tearing a large piece of the arm bone free, allowing him to drive the fractured bone into the pipe-wielding man’s throat. The man gasped for air as blood drained from the wound, but his struggle ceased with a sharp twist of the bone, and he too dropped dead. The final clown was howling with pain, tears forming in his eyes. There was already a crimson puddle forming beneath him, and his entire arm was drenched in blood. In one motion, the Skull picked up the pipe and delivered a powerful kick to his knee, shattering it as well. As the final guard stumbled backwards, the Red Skull swung the pipe downwards, crushing in the clown’s head.
The Red Skull paused for a moment, observing his work. “Undisciplined.” He scoffed. “But what can you expect…from clowns.” He waved a signal for his HYDRA back-up to move in- the first three, armed with assault rifles, gave the two-armed salute with a shout of “Hail, HYDRA!” before moving to secure the doors. Before they could, a shrill, mocking voice rang out across the warehouse-base.
“Well, well boys- looks like we’ve got some visitors at the back doors, and you all know how much I just HATE uninvited guests. One of you be a dear, and get the door…and then put those Christmas colored bastards down.”
“Scheiße!” Red Skull cursed under his breath in his native German as he kicked down the door, blind firing his luger into the darkness ahead. A bullet found its mark, sending blood up into the air as the man fell down, chunks of his head following suite. The room they entered into was huge, with two sets of stairs leading to various corridors and rooms filled with god-only-knows how many traps and lethal jokes. His other two men followed up the rear, carrying his beloved MG-42 machine gun, which they layed out on the railing on the stairs, overlooking the entire room.
“Hold this position.” Red Skull growled in his thick German accent. “I will deal with the clown…personally.”
With that he was off. Finding the Joker’s personal room was not a difficult task- it was the one with a faint blue glow illuminating it, and being pointed to with neon arrows and green spray-painted “Ha”s. Slowly opening the door, he leveled his Luger at the figure inside. The Joker was sitting in his chair, facing the wall, and a map that lay before it. He fired, twice through the back of the chair, once through the shoulder, but the Joker just sat there- making no sound. No final laugh. The Joker’s last laugh, it seemed, was not so humored after all. He stepped into the cluttered room, his boots echoing with each step. As he turned the chair, however, the Joker’s head fell off with a hollow thud- and the purple suit fell back, revealing his chest- a large silver container with a smiley face crudely painted on it.
The Joker smiled as he watched the Red Skull’s reaction to the old Fake-Joker trick. He leveled one of his revolvers and carefully planned a shot…but then, careful was never exactly his modus operandi. He took the shot, piercing the shoulder of the Red Skull’s uniform. The German grunted with pain, as he turned to face the Clown Prince of Crime. He charged at the Joker, just as the second shot from the Revolver pierced the container. It began making a shrill shrieking noise, just as the Skull’s shoulder made contact with the Joker’s stomach. With a loud crack, the container exploded in a green poison mist.
Sprawled out in the hallway, but safe from the Joker Venom for now, the Red Skull barely had time to draw his Trench Knife before he felt another blow knock him backwards. This clown looked lanky and weak, but he had some surprising strength behind his punches, the Skull had to give him that much. But as he recovered, he saw only an empty hallway. His adversary was gone…
Another Clown fell to his death in a hail of bullets as the Hydra troops rained death from their position at the top of the stairs. They had a massive advantage- the room was funneling in these witless idiots by the dozens, and none of the Clowns even had a chance of dealing any damage to them. The Hydra guards were almost getting bored of this “fish in a barrel” mission. At least until the doors cracked open, and a massive one-armed man with a sledgehammer walked in. The MG-42 blazed to life, but the bullets bounced harmlessly off the man’s massive frame. “Meet Mister Hammer.” A woman’s voice mocked behind the Hydra troops. “He’s going to teach ya’ some manners!” One of the troops turned to face the woman, his assault rifle raised high, but a crack to the head sent him flying from atop the stairs to the ground below. Harley Quinn, a massive mallet in-hand, leapt into the crowd of Hydra troop with a laugh, while Mr. Hammer placed one of his feet on top of the fallen soldier, pinning him. The man squirmed for a few seconds, but when he realized the struggle was useless, he growled. “Cut off one head- two more shall rise to take its place. HAIL HYDRA!” His final words were punctuated as a massive hammer crushed in his skull.
The Joker had to stifle another laugh as the Red Skull walked into the hall of mirrors. He knew that the Skull couldn’t place his location from the sound of his voice, not in this room, at least. “Y’know- I think you guys should be paying me royalties for all of this!” He called out, laughing again as the Red Skull looked about, confused as he sought out the direction of the Joker’s words. “First, Batman’s little rat who just wouldn’t stay dead took my old identity, and now you- but when I was the Red Hood, I brought a sense of class to the character.” “My name is Johann Schmidt- but I am known as the Red Skull. I seek only what is mine, clown.”
“What is yours? Herr Skully-“ the Joker mocked. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed this, but EVERYTHING here belongs to me! And soon, this whole city’ll burn, and whatever it is you own with it!”
The Red Skull paused for a moment. “You don’t even know what it is? You idiot. You absolute, blabbering idiot. You literally hold the powers of a god in your very hands, and you don’t even realize it!” Now it was the Skull’s turn to laugh. And the Joker did not like that- not one bit. “Of course, it makes so much more sense, why you haven’t already curb-stomped Robbin and Taskmaster’s little bands of criminals out of ‘your city’ yet.” The Red Skull listened for a response- he was at least satisfied he had shut up that horrid laugh. He raised his Pulse Cannon high into the air, the weapon was a prototype back during the second world war, when he last had possession of the Cosmic Cube. A hold over, from an era that would soon be coming again, once this little pr- His thoughts were cut off as the Joker leapt from the ceiling, crowbar in hand, landing on the Skull’s back. The clown was laughing hysterically as he clubbed Schmidt with the crowbar, striking multiple places on his back and ribs before the German slammed him into the wall behind him. The glass mirror burst into pieces that rained, mostly harmlessly, down upon them, shaking the Joker off. Crouched on one knee, the Joker took a second to get ahold of his laughter again. “You know – that’s a pretty good one, Herr Skully. That’s actually really funny. I guess once you’re bleeding out in a gutter somewhere, I’ll have to give a closer look to my new desk-lamp.” “You think it will be that easy to kill me? I have been doing this little game since the second World War- If the great ‘Captain America’ himself could not kill me, I doubt some clown with delusions of grandeur will put a damper on my return to power.”
Red Skull grimaced. The Hall of Mirrors made it hard to see where The Joker really was. Fortunately, the Clown Prince of Crime charged with his crowbar raised high- just as the Red Skull predicted, as he fired a blast from the Pulse Cannon. The blue blast rippled across the hallway, shattering dozens of the mirrors, and sending the real Joker crashing into the wall again. Quickly slinging the rifle behind his back, the Skull pulled out his Trench-Knife and took a swinging punch that slammed into the Joker’s cheek. He felt bones crack- the brass knuckles built into the knife and the Skull’s natural enhanced strength were powerful , and while the Joker was quite resilient, he was still a normal man- and there is only so much a normal man can possibly take before reaching a breaking point.
The Joker coughed up blood, laughing as he did so- this really was a thrill for him. Hell, even Batman never tried to hit him THAT hard! He almost regretted the fact that he had to kill the Skull- after all, this German bastard could provide DECADES of fun. He leapt up, and spit his blood in the Skull’s eyes, temporarily blinding him. While the Red Skull jabbed forward with his knife, while the Joker grabbed for the Skull’s throat. They both hit true, with the Trench Knife digging all the way to the hilt into the Joker’s side, while the Joker’s hand wrapped around the Skull’s throat.
“You’re going to try and choke me to death? You must have a death wish, clown.” Johann sneered. “Yeah, yeah- I like to think it’s part of my charms. But really, Herr Skully, I’m disappointed in you.” With that, a shocking blast coursed through the Skull’s entire body. Try as he might, the Red Skull could not move- but silently, he cursed himself for not spotting the Joker’s Electric Joy Buzzer before now. “But then I shouldn’t be SHOCKED. After all, we’ve only known each other for a few minutes now.” He drew a razor-sharp playing card. “But then, I’ve always said that in their last moments- a person will show you just who they really are. In a way, Herr Skully, I’m going to know you better than all your friends ever have.” He made a slow, deliberate cut across the Red Skull’s throat- just enough to draw blood. The Red Skull glared at him- but there was no resignation in those eyes. They almost reminded him of Batman’s, but only for a brief moment, before the Red Skull suddenly slammed his head into the Joker’s face, knocking him backwards. “I. Will. Not. Be. Toyed with!” he growled as he punched the Joker so hard, the clown went flying across the hallway. Drawing his Luger, he aimed it for a direct headshot, but before he could pull the trigger, the Joker whipped out a small detonator and pressed the button. All the Red Skull heard before the explosions rocked the hallway was “Why so serious?” and then the floor collapsed. And all he could see was darkness.
The Hydra troops scrambled from their positions as Harley Quinn’s assault pushed them back. Two of them broke off to engage Mister Hammer, while the other two remained to fight Harley. One of the troops drew a long knife from his belt and took a stab at Quinn, but she was too fast, ducking under the blow and swinging her mallet at the man’s knee- shattering his leg. The other troop behind her took advantage of this to take his handgun a fire a shot into her back. She screamed as the bullet struck her between the shoulder blades, and she collapsed. “Ah, bitch broke my leg, I think.” The knife-wielding Hydra troop moaned as he struggled to get back up, but was failing miserably. “Arnold? Arnold- give me a hand here.”
The other Hydra agent gave his injured friend a sympathetic look, but his response lacked any such weakness. “Sorry, Ron- you’ve become a liability.”
“Dammit Brown! You can’t just leave me here!”
“I have no intention of doing that, Takimoto.”
“…I’ll see you in hell, Arnold Brown. Do you hear me!”
“It won’t be the first time I’ve been there, Ron.” The uninjured Hydra troop fired his gun into the wounded soldier’s head, killing him.
Meanwhile, the other two agents were struggling with Mister Hammer. Their bullets had no effect as they bounced off harmlessly. One of the two threw his rifle to the ground and drew his knife, sidestepping the hammer as it hit the ground next to him. He tried to saw Mister Hammer’s wrist, hoping that he could wound the monster of a man enough to make his hammer useless. Instead, the man’s hand slid off with almost no resistance. There was no blood. The Hydra agent took a step back, surprised and confused, but Mister Hammer only laughed.
“Well, well- I guess the cat’s out of the bag, then.” He said, as his body seemed to dissolve into a formless mass. A formless mass that suddenly began to expand and grow larger, towering over the two Hydra agents. Clayface roared as his hand morphed into a mace head, and he slammed it down on the knife-wielding Agent. The man’s bones shattered on the impact, and clay filled his throat and blinded him. He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear- he felt everything hurt…until nothing ever hurt again. Clayface turned his attention to the other agent and laughed. “I wasn’t sure about working long time with these clowns…but the look on your faces, truly there is no better measure of a man’s acting talent, and that makes this all worthwhile!” and with that, he seemed to devolve into a shapeless mass that rushed into the Hydra agent, catching bullets without care…
The Red Skull struggled to stand up. The collapsed floor’s rubble had him pinned in the dark basement level of the Joker’s little “palace”. He reached for his Dust of Death pistol and decided to find the Clown and end this little game. Not far away, the Joker watched. A normal man would probably be on their deathbeds from the injuries he had sustained so far- a gaping stab wound in his stomach, a couple broken ribs, massive damage to his face and shards of glass embedded in his back. But the Joker hardly felt anything but joy. He aimed his heavily customized TAR-21, the smiley-face shaped laser sight shot through the darkness as obviously as a lantern. The Red Skull was sure to see it, but at this point, the Joker didn’t care.
The green light shone from across the room. Skull knew he didn’t have a lot of time before the Joker saw him, but he did take the time to observe the environment. The ‘walls’ and ‘floor’ of this room were all large grey cylinders, bound together by some kind of rope. Joker Venom. Skull ran toward Joker just as the smiley face was drawn to his forehead. Grabbing the gun by its extended barrel, he pulled the Clown forward and on to his feet to receive another punch to the face. Ripping the TAR-21 from the Joker’s hands and snapping it in two with ease, the Red Skull grabbed the Clown by the front of his jacket, spraying him in the face with the Dust of Death handgun.
Fire. That’s all the was running through the Joker’s mind- it felt like his entire face was on fire. He had never met a poison he couldn’t take from a shot glass, but whatever this was, it was enough to still bring him to his knees. He hardly felt as the Red Skull jumped on his shoulders, leaping out of the hole in the ceiling that had been left from the explosion that brought them down to his Joker Venom storage room to begin with.
“Well, Clown, like I told you- I only seek what is mine. Fortunately, it is easier to search the rubble of your little warehouse for my Cosmic Cube than to deal with you. Tschüss, Joker.” The Red Skull mocked as he dropped a lighter into the room. The flame ignited around Joker’s face where the Dust had been most prevalent, and quickly spread, igniting the entire supply of Joker Venom. Quickly clearing the warehouse by leaping from a window, the blast still sent the Red Skull flying as the entire Warehouse went up in flames.
Dragging himself upwards, the Red Skull stifled a laugh- most unusual behavior for him. He could see across the rubble, the bright blue glow of his Cosmic Cube, but as he began to make his way there, the Joker burst out of the rubble. His face was scarred and he had a nasty cough, but there were two revolvers in his hands. The Red Skull spun around to face the Harlequin of Hate, one last time.
A bullet struck him in the gut, but it did nothing to slow the Red Skull down as he grabbed the Joker’s arm and gave a forceful push forward, dislocating his shoulder. With another punch to the face, the Joker was knocked the ground, his revolvers falling from his hands.
“You know Joker, you’re a persistent little bastard. I could use a man of your talents in my employ.”
The Joker laughed, convulsing blood with each sharp movement of the body. “Sorry, Herr Skully- I may be a psychopathic, mass-murdering, child-killing terrorist…but I’m an AMERICAN psychopathic, mass-murdering, child-killing terrorist. You nazis…you didn’t have any style. Holocaust camps? Boooring! I could never work with someone with so little creative vision!”
“A shame.” The Red Skull drew his luger and leveled it at the Joker’s head. “Very well, Joker- I may lack your ‘creative vision’, but only one of us is walking away from this.” The Joker made a desperate dive, grabbing the revolver nearest to him. He wasn’t sure which one it was, but with hope- it would work. He raised it and fired, with a loud crack.
And a flag popped out of the gun, reading ‘BANG!’. The Red Skull shook his head. “Joker, this is simply bad comedy. But if you wish this to be your final joke, then I- AGH!” he growled, as the Joker pulled the trigger again, firing the sharpened flag into the Red Skull’s eye. The nazi stumbled backwards as the Joker picked up a sharp piece of glass from the explosion. Burying it deep into the Red Skull’s throat, the Joker finally watched as the Red Skull’s eyes, filled with hate, anger and acceptance, faded into death.
“It’s been a blast Herr Skully, but if you excuse me…”he looked over towards the Cosmic cube “I have a universe to burn.”
The Joker sat in his chair, in the place his office had once been, looking out over the ruins that were once his palace. The Cosmic Cube sat in his hands. He still wasn’t sure what it was, really, or what it could do. But now? He was going to find out. Out of the rubble, a figure seeped out- Clayface. Inside his shifting mass was Harley Quinn, whom he had covered to protect from the blast. “Did those Nazi goons slap around my Harley? That’s MY profession!” the Joker half-joked when Clayface layed her still unmoving body at his feet.
“One of those Hydra mooks shot her in the back. Fortunately, she was wearing that leather vest thing you like so much under that costume, or it would’ve killed her. She’ll be fine.” Clayface answered. “So…what now, boss?”
The Joker pondered this for a moment- his base was in ruins, a large number of his gang just died- recruitment in occupied territory would be down and Parker Robbins was sure to take advantage of this weakness- but he had the most powerful weapon in the universe in his hand, he just needed someone with the brains and the tech to check it out and get it working for him. “Get in contact with Calculator- I gots a little present for him.”
Hydra Agent Arnold Brown stood up in the rubble. How he survived the blast was beyond him, but he knew what needed to be done. Scooping up the body of his fallen leader, Brown vowed to ensure Hydra would become even stronger. There was certain to be a secret to bring the Red Skull back again- this was only the fourth time he could recall the Skull dying, after all- if there was anyone who could shrug this off it was him.
“Madam Hydra- I need an evac.” He spoke into the comm on his web-gear. “The Red Skull has fallen. Take me back to the Terror-Carrier…the Imperial Hydra has a new mission. Cut off one head…”
The woman on the other end paused for a few moments, allowing the information to sink in, before replying. “…and two more shall take its place.” Behind her, he could hear as every Hydra soldier in the Terror-Carrier snapped to attention, raising the two-armed salute as the they all shouted at the same time-
WINNER- THE JOKER
Please consider writing an expert's opinion as to why the Joker was victorious.
Battle vs. Green Goblin (By Dr. Las Moore)Edit
It is a dark day the city that never sleeps. A joke that no one wanted would be told today by the infamous Joker, arch nemesis of the Batman and feared villain of Gotham City. Why was the Joker in New york? What did he want? What joke was to be told? Norman Osborn, better known as the Green Goblin would soon know today, coming face to face with the deranged clown prince of crime. A meeting was planned, a meeting that would change The New York Underground for better....or worse.
The Joker has been looking to expand his gang to other large cities in the U.S., and what better place than the Big Apple, New York City. Of course, Joker would have to eliminate the competition. But he couldn't do that, Joker knew his gang would not stand a chance against the better armed and organized gangs of New York. The Joker would need new weaponry to take on the more advanced and new gangs of NYC. Luckily, he found the man for the job. The Green Goblin has offered him advanced firearms and explosives to get the job done.
The meeting took place today. 5:32 PM. December 12th, 2012. On a snowy, busy New York day.
Osborn awaited for the clown to arrive....
A cold chill was felt by Norman Osborn as the doors to an OsCorp Warehouse opened with snow and a shadowy figure, it was none other than the Joker. The infamous Clown Prince of Crime slowly walked towards Osborn, loud footsteps echoed the dark and dirty warehouse.
“Are you Mister-” Asked Osborn to the clown, who immediately stopped him afterwards.
“Napier. Yes. Pleasure to meet you Mister...” Answered the Clown, wearing a fedora and trench coat to cover up his colorful suit and smile.
“Osborn. I am glad you can make it Mr. Napier. Now, I assume you brought the money with you?” Replied Norman Osborn, better known as The Green Goblin, another grinning nemises of a hero dressed in a animal suit.
The Clown did not reply, rather sit down at the same table Osborn was at, and put a briefcase on the table.
“You know it. I am always ready to deal, Mr. Osborn.” Said Joker, slowly opening the briefcase. The briefcase that would help Him take over New York. The briefcase that would get Him everything he needed. Or would it? Joker finally opened the briefcase, and only one object was in it. A bill. A bill of money nonetheless. A fake one. A 'Million Dollar Bill' with a simple smiley face drawn in blue crayon over George Washinton, and six zeros drawn over the one. Joker, slowly and gently, removed the obviously fake bill and put it in the center of the circular table.
Osborn moved the bill closer to him, examining it for a few minor seconds, only before clenching his fists and slamming them on the table.
“It's not a joke! I worked hard for that kind of money, y'know!” Replied Joker, who giggled lightly after his sentence, angering Osborn even further.
“If you came here to simply waste my time and piss me off I suggest leaving now before I rip you in two!” Yells Osborn, standing up from his chair with his fists of the desk, yelling in the Joker's face. The Clown stays quiet momentarily, before standing up and taking his fedora off and simply tosses it on the dusty warehouse floor, but the shadows of the the warehouse still covered his demented face.
“Y'know Ozzy.....” Says Joker with an unusually soft voice, slowly removing his large, dusty brown trench coat, partially revealing some of his purple suit, with some shadows covering other parts of it.
“I don't like you're attitude...” Says Joker, again with a strange soft voice. He finally tosses his coat on the ground next to his hat.
“Listen Napier, I'll give you one more chance to either leave or make a deal before I-!” Yells Osborn, giving the joker another chance to strike a deal, but is quickly cut off from a blow to the face with a crowbar.
“Watch you're tone of voice with me mister. Ahahahaha!” Says The Joker, revealing himself to Osborn for the first real time, stepping out of the shadows showing off his cherry-red lips with a smile, dark green hair, and of course his bleach-white face. Osborn wipes his lips to check for blood. And there was. Soon after seeing the blood and clenches his hands and delivers a punch to the Joker who was busy monologuing.
“Oh Party Pooper, No Cake for You!” says The Joker, right before being punched again by Osborn, this time knocking him on the ground.
“You are going to die today, clown!” Says Osborn, right before pulling his arm back ready to punch Joker, only to be stopped by a left hook to the face from Joker.
“I can deliver a good punch myself, Ozzy. Hahaha!” Says Joker, obviously faking a boxing stance after the punch.
“Who are you really! I want to know, now!” Yells Osborn in a fight of rage.
“Hmm, May as well tell you before ya die. Although you should know me I may as well tell you anyways....I'm the infamous Clown Prince of Crime......The Joker! Nice to meet you, Osborn.” Says Joker, reaching out his hand to 'shake' Goblin's hand, Goblin grabs it and clenches only to be shocked by a Joybuzzer.
“Hahahaha! How does that feel? Bwhahahaha!” Jokes the Clown, mocking Osborn. Norman strangely gives a small but subtle laugh and gets off his knees.
“Allow me to introduce myself...” Says Osborn, slowly getting up and finally resting yet clenching his hands of the Joker's shoulders.
“I'm......The Green Goblin!” Yells Osborn, right before shocking Joker from the shoulders with his Electrical Discharge Gloves, after seconds, Osborn kicks Joker, causing him to fall and break the simple plastic meeting table. Goblin walks over too the broken table and readies his fists for a possible final punch to finish off the Joker
“Big Mistake, Gobby! Bwahaha!” Says Joker, as he quickly gets back up and squirts acid from his seemingly harmless flower on his suit onto Goblin, burning and blinding him for a moment, giving Joker time for a getaway to the second floor.
“Ah you bastard! Get back here!” Yells Goblin as covers his eyes from the acid, burning his torso area.
“Come out coward!” yells Goblin across the warehouse.
“If you insist!” Joker says as he comes out the shadows on the second floor and opens fire on to the first floor with a TAR-21. Goblin turns around and quickly tosses a Gas Pumpkin Bomb up above to blind Joker and buy himself time to get onto the second floor.
“Darn you...Gobs and your damn....gas. Haha....hahaha” Mutters Joker, coughing between pauses. As the gas clears, razor-sharp bats hurl at the Joker causing him to drop the rifle.
“I hate bats as much as I hate people with no sense humor, which would be a lot!” Yells Joker as the gray gas clears some more, before Norman pops out from the gray gas and punches the clown.
“Nice left hook, but how 'bout a crowbar?” Says Joker before smacking Goblin across the face with a rusty crowbar.
“I love crowbars, gobby. How 'bout you? Hahaha!” Says Joker as he clenches his trusty crowbar in his hand as he taunts Goblin.
“This reminds me of the time I killed that kid....only this time both of us are bruised and battered. Hahahaha! Ahhhh....Memories.” Says Joker, thinking about the time he murdered Jason Todd.
“You shouldn't be day dreaming, clown!” Says Goblin as he gets off the ground.
“Oh why not? It's fun? Hahaha!” says Joker before being punched yet again by Goblin.
“You punch me much more harder than Bats ever has...I like that! Now how 'bout a game of cards? HAHAHAHA!” Says Joker as he throws a hand of razor-sharp cards at Goblin to make a getaway to the third and final floor. Goblin follows and climbs up to the next floor only to be confronted by The Joker wielding a revolver in the middle of climbing up.
“Time for the end of the show, Gobby! It's been good knowing you for this short time! Bwahahaha!” Says Joker, right before pulling the trigger, only to have a BANG! Flag pop out in front of Goblin's face.
“Your only making me more angry, and increasing you're chances of death.”Says Goblin, still climbing the ladder to the final floor.
“Hahahaha, were you scared, Gobby?” Says Joker, laughing at Osborn, only to have Goblin throw a Bat and knock the fake gun out of the clown's hand and land on the first floor, breaking it and causing a large thump to echo.
“I'm running out of toys here, Gobby. Can we wrap this up or can I borrow some more of yours? Hahaha!.” Says Joker.
“I'm afraid the show must go on Joker...until you die!” Replies Goblin arriving on the third floor and running towards the Clown, grabbing him by his throat and lifting him with one hand, showing off his strength.
“I love memories too, Joker. And I'm about to bring some back.” Says Goblin, reminding himself of the time and threw Gwen Stacy off of a bridge, and he was about to do the same to Joker as let him hang over the third floor's bridge.
“The Clown is always executed, enjoy hell Jok-” Says Goblin, mocking Joker before he was going to kill him, only to be punched in the gut by Joker, causing him to fall, giving Joker a chance to get on the bridge again with help from the railing.
“Never gloat, Gobby. You should have killed me when you had the chance.” Says Joker, using a cloth to wipe off blood and dust from his face.
“Don't you got any other jokes? I'm having trouble keeping myself awake! Purely bad entertainment on your part.” Says The Joker
“You want more jokes? THEN HAVE SOME!” Yells Goblin as he tosses out a boomerang from his Bag of Tricks.
“Hahahaha! You think a purse will do anything, HAHAHAH-” Laughs Joker before being knocked in the back of the head with the crescent boomerang, causing him to fall forward. Goblin then grabs Joker by the throat and walks over to the edge of the third floor. Goblin holding Joker remecisent of the time he held Gwen Stacy
“How about some more!?!?” says Goblin, pulling out a bomb from his bag, ready to throw before it back fires, dropping out of Osborn's hand and exploding upon impact.
“HAHAHAHAHAHA! Must suck when your own plan backfires, eh Gobby?” mocks Joker as Osborn gets up from the rubble and wreckage of the explosion, tears in his costume show him badly bruised.
“I think it's time we end this shtick, don't you?” Says Joker, crowbar in hand, looking over the battered Goblin. Joker raises his Crowbar up high...and slams it down upon Osborn's stomach, again and again before stopping after several minutes.
“Looks like I'll be getting the last laugh, gobs. You've had you're time to shine in the New York headlines, now it's my turn. It's time for the final joke of the night!” Says Joker, gloating and taunting Goblin as he unveils a Revolver from his suit and slowly moves it towards Osborn's head. Finally making his move by pulling the trigger.
No lead was fired, only confetti and flag coming out the gun, just right above Osborn's nose.
“You can't kill me....I'm the Green Goblin! I can't Die!” says Osborn, slowly moving both his hands towards the flag, finally clenching and grasping it in both his hands.
“Yes, I can. Please, Observe. Bwhahaha!” Taunts Joker, still holding the revolver in front of Osborn on the ground.
“Do it then!” mutters Osborn, coughing up blood, before Joker pulls the trigger once more and the flag pierces straight into the center of Osborn's skull. The Joker smirking as he puts the Revolver back into his suit.
The doors to the warehouse opened once more, with none other than Harley Quinn and some Joker Goons walking in.
“Mistah J! We got the guy ya wanted!” Yells Harley across the warehouse.
“Excellent, Harley...I was just finishing up some business with my good friend The Green Goblin. Ahaha” Says Joker, kicking Osborn's lifeless corpse out of the shadows followed by the signature sinister smile and laughter of the Joker.
“How very...nice of ya mistah J....we got the bowler hat guy you wanted...umm...” Mutters Harley to Joker once more.
“I am excited to be here, Joker. We are getting some...business done, correct?” Says The Mysterious 'Bowler Hat Guy'
“Boy will there ever be! Start rounding up some more men! We got some new toys to play with! Oh, and will some body dump the body? It's starting to smell....BWHAHAHAHA!” Replies The Joker, observing more and more goons entering the warehouse, opening crates filled with the Joker's new weaponry. Assault Rifles, Shotguns, Pistols, the entire shabang.
“New York City is ours! HAHAHAHAAHAHA!”
WINNER: THE JOKER
SCORE: 5.5 TO 5!
Battle vs. Professor Genki (by JWarrior89)Edit
"Welcome to Professor Genki's Super Ethical Reality Climax! Murder Time is Fun Time, right Bobby?" "You got it, Zach! If our contestants can survive the deadly traps, armed mascots, and those freakishly huge Hunters, they can win a hefty pile of cash!"
"This game looks deadly... because it is! But its still probably safer than driving in Steelport!"
"Our competitor isn't from Steelport this time Zach; today's guest comes all the way from the criminal underworld of Gotham City. Its the Clown Prince of Crime himself, The Joker! Let me tell you, Zach, this is one clown you do NOT want to perform at your kid's birthday party! Most clowns blow up balloons... this guy blows up hospitals! His idea of putting a smile on your face is to carve it there with a knife! He's reported to have a body count in the thousands!"
"He kinda sounds like the Professor in that aspect, right Bobby?"
"That's what I'm afraid of, Zach."
"Well, lets sit back and see just how well this legendary psychopath fares against the hazards of the arena."
The doors to the arena slid open, and the Joker strode in, a Tommy Gun slung over his shoulder. Immediately he was met with deafening cheers and applause from the audience. "Thank you, thank you! You're too kind!" the Joker laughed. "Tell me, Steelport, do you want a show!?"
The crowd cheered with approval.
"All righty then!" the Joker grinned. Taking out a walkie-talkie from his pocket, he held it up to his mouth and turned it on. "Let's give 'em what they want, boys!"
Almost immediately, there was a deafening smash as a school bus plowed its way through the wall of the arena. The door slid open, and four henchmen lept out, all wearing clown masks and brandishing weapons.
"What can I say," the Joker laughed, "I always give the people what they want!"
"What the-- The Joker's brought help, Bobby!"
"You can always count on the Joker to not play by the rules, Zach."
"Ordinarily, this would result in a disqualification, but there appears to be no word from the officials. It seems they are allowing the game to continue uninterrupted!"
"That... or they're all dead..."
"All right,boys," Joker cackled, "Let's have some fun!"
As the crowd let out another ear-shattering cheer, the Joker and his four henchmen ran forward, weapons at the ready. As they round a corner, one of the henchmen is immediately gunned down by a Mascot wearing a dog suit.
"And here I thought old 'batsy was the only lunatic who liked to dress up as an animal!" the Joker laughed, aiming his Tommy Gun and spraying the Mascot with bullets.
As the Mascot fell to the floor, two more emerged from behind cover at the back of the room; one of them was wearing a purple gorilla suit, and the other was dressed as a giant hot dog. A third mascot, this one dressed as green bunny, appeared on the upper walkway above them. All three immediately opened fire, forcing the Joker and his thugs to scatter. One of the thugs, leaning out from behind cover, sprayed a barrage of bullets at the mascot on the upper walkway. The Mascot attempted to run, but one of the bullets caught him in the leg, causing him to stumble and fall to the ground below, breaking his neck.
Laughing, the thug ran forward; however, as he attempted to move between a gap in the wall, a sudden burst of electricity shot out from both sides of the wall, frying him alive.
The two remaining Mascots began advancing slowly, moving from cover to cover. The Joker ordered his two remaining thugs to move forward; as they did so, he moved off to the side. Rounding a corner, the thugs spotted one of the Mascots. They opened fire, but the Mascot managed to dive behind cover. As the thugs ran forward, the Mascot leaned out from behind the corner; at the same time, the other Mascot appeared from behind the thugs. Both of them fire simultaniously; the front thug is riddled with bullets, but the remaining thug manages to run down an adjacent pathway.
"F*** this!" the thug cursed to himself, "I'm not getting paid enough to risk my life against these weirdos! I'm outta here!" He rounded a corner, barely avoiding a jet of flames that shot out from either side of him. Shaking his head in disbelief, he turned... only to find himself face to face with the Joker.
"B-boss!" the thug gulped, "I was j-just..."
"You weren't thinking of leaving early, were you?" the Joker grinned, "This party's just getting started!"
The two remaining Mascots slowly advanced down the hallways, searching for the Joker and his thug. Suddenly, they heard what sounded like a loud thud from up ahead. Weapons at the ready, they rounded the corner... only to see the Joker's remaining thug lying on the ground. As they approached him, it became clear that he was dead.
One of the Mascots suddenly nudged his partner and pointed at the thug's chest; pinned to the front of his shirt was what appeared to be a flower, which had definately not been there when the fight had started. Cautiously, the Mascot leaned down and plucked the flower from the thugs shirt. Holding it close to his face, he could see that it was artificial. Suddenly, there was a slight whining sound, and the flower began to spray forth a cloud of strange gas. The two Mascots were engulfed by the fumes; immediately they began to cough violently, which quickly changed into uncontrolable laughter. Both Mascots fell to the ground; as they did, the laughter quickly stopped. One of the Mascot's masks rolled off his head; the man's face was revealed to be stretched into a distorted grin.
Behind them, the Joker leapt out from behind a wall.
"Gotta be careful," he grinned, "its allergy season! Those flowers can be... killer!" He burst out into insane laughter.
"Oh man, did you see that, Zach!?"
"I sure did, Bobby; that would be the famous Joker Venom: that toxic gas has claimed the lives of countless victims."
"And the crazy bastard killed his own man just to lay a trap for the Mascots!"
"Ruthless, but effective; at least now the Joker won't have to worry about splitting his prize money 5 ways if he makes it to the end."
"Somehow, I don't think he would have had to worry about that either way, Zach. The Joker isn't known for his ability to share."
______________________________________________________________________________________________ The Joker calmly strolled through the maze, stepping over the corpses of thug and Mascot alike. Eventually, he came across an opening; at the other end of the room, he could see the exit door, on the other side of which lay his prize money.
"Time for this clown to get paid!" he cackled. He began to dash for the door; suddenly, a burst of gunfire came from above him, striking the ground at his feet and causing him to stop.
"You expect me to stand here and take that s***?" a voice asked.
The Joker turned around and looked upward; standing on the upper walkway was what appeared to be a giant pink cat wearing a lab coat, aiming a TEK Z-10 submachine gun.
"You challenge Professor Genki?" he says, "Fear the Super Murder Cat!"
"Well, well, well," the Joker says, "it looks like the cat's out of the bag!" Laughing again, he aims his Tommy Gun and fires, forcing Genki to seek cover.
"That almost got my fur!" Genki calls out. Dropping his SMG, he grabs an Annihilator RPG leaning against the wall. Running over to the edge of the walkway, he aims it at the Joker.
"Murder Time Fun Time!" he yells, firing a rocket. The Joker drops his Tommy Gun and dives back into the maze; the rocket slams into the ground behind him, leaving a scorched hole in the ground.
"I don't believe it, Zach! Professor Genki himself has entered the arena!"
"Indeed, Bobby! It appears that the Professor wants to test the Joker's abilities himself!"
"I guess that's what happens when you bring in a contestant that's as crazy... er, outrageous as he is!"
"I just hope they can keep their fighting within the arena. Can you imagine the chaos it this somehow spilled out onto the streets? It would make the STAG occupation of Steelport look like a picnic!"
Professor Genki tossed aside his RPG and grabbed a McManus 2015 sniper rifle. Peering through the scope, he began to scan the maze below, looking for the Joker. Hearing a noise behind him, he swung the rifle around, catching a glimpse of green hair. He fired, but the round bounced harmlessly against the wall as the Joker dipped out of sight. Genki continued to search the area, looking in the general direction the Joker had appeared to retreat to. Suddenly, a loud explosion behind him made him swing around; a cloud of dust was rising near the back wall of the arena. Genki scanned the area through his scope, but the Joker was nowhere in sight. A few seconds later, he heard a soft clatter next to him, along with a soft hissing sound. He glanced down to see a lit stick of dynamite near his foot.
"Run away! Run away!" he yelled, as he turned and began to run down the walkway. Before he had gotten ten feet, however, the dynamite exploded, throwing him over the railing onto the floor below. As he lay on the ground, dazed, he heard the sound of cackling laughter.
"C4 and dynamite... quite the explosive combination!" he laughed, hopping out from around a corner, "I usually use C4 for blowing up buildings, but it can also be quite the distraction! So much that you don't even notice a man tossing lit dynamite at you! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!"
As Genki struggled to his feet, the Joker pulled out his TAR-21 and opened fire. The Professor barely managed to avoid the bullets by leaping for cover, as a wodden sign with a panda on it shattered behind him.
"Ouch! That's gonna hurt the Joker's score, Bobby!"
"You got that right, Zach! Nobody likes it when you shoot a panda!"
Professor Genki drew a .45 Shepherd and fired at the Joker, who ducked back behind the wall as he attempted to reload. As he did so, he heard a clicking sound that meant Genki had emptied his clip. A second later, he heard the clatter as the weapon was tossed on the ground. Grinning, the Joker leapt out and aimed his gun... only to stop dead. Genki was holding what appeared to be an enormous purple dildo on a handle. For a second, both warriors just stared at each other. Then, the Joker burst out laughing. He doubled over, clutching his sides. He was abruptly cut off as Genki slammed the weapon across his face, causing him to drop his gun. Before he had time to react, Genki struck him again, and again. The Joker tried to react, but each time he tried to make a move, he was struck with the force of a baseball bat by the floppy purple instrument. With one final, heavy swing, the Joker was smashed into a wall, blood trickling from his nose and mouth as he slid to the floor.
"And now, you die." Professor Genki said, as he slowly approached the Joker, holding the Penetrator above his head. Suddenly, the Joker's head snapped up; looking Genki straight in the eyes, he pulled out a revolver from his pocket and pointed it right at the cat's face. Genki stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the gun in the Joker's hands. The Joker laughed, and pulled the trigger.
Instead of a bullet, a small flag with the word BANG! on it popped out of the revolver. Genki stared at it for a moment.
"Try harder if you want me to give up!" he laughed.
"Well, you know what they say," the Joker said, grinning, "there's more than one way to skin a cat!"
He pulled the trigger again, and the flag fired out of the barrel of his gun, plunging stright into Genki's left eye. The Professor yelled in pain, stumbling backward and dropping the Penetrator. Leaping to his feet, the Joker pulled out a crowbar and ran at Genki. With a gleeful yell, he swung the crowbar downward, connecting with Genki's forehead. Again and again, he struck the cat, even after Genki had dropped to the ground.
"Oh man, this isn't looking good for Professor Genki, Zach!"
"Could... could this be the final Climax for our maniacal host, Zach?"
The Joker struck Genki several more times with the crowbar, then stopped. The Professor lay there, not moving. After a few moments, the Joker began to laugh. Giving one last kick to the cat, he stepped over him and began to walk toward the door, which opened to reveal mounds of cash just waiting for him to claim it. Suddenly, a noise behind him made him turn back; Professor Genki had struggled to his knees, and was aiming what appeared to be a colorful bazooka at him. With a BANG!, he fired what appeared to be a live Mollusk at the Joker.
"What the-!?" The Joker called out, before the Mollusk clamped onto his face. As the Joker struggled to pull it off, Genki, grinning, pressed a button on the Mollusk Launcher. Immediately, the Mollusk exploded, vaporizing the Joker's head in a red spray of blood. The Clown Prince of Crime crumpled to the floor, dead.
"Quiet time can be fun time, too..." Genki muttered weakly. Turning to one of the cameras on the wall, he managed one final smile.
"Remember kids," he said, "its fun to kill."
With that, the Super Murder Cat slumped to the floor, and lay still.
To be written. To see the original battle, weapons and votes, click here.
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